I Am Not Parenting Alone

 

When John Grady was about eight months old, I had one of those motherhood moments that has stayed with me ever since.

He was asleep in his rocker in the den while I cleaned the house.

Praise and worship was blaring. I was probably doing some ordinary task that felt very unimportant at the time. And then suddenly, motherhood hit me all at once.

Not the sweet baby smell. Not the little hands. Not the joy of being his mom. And not the let down of his next meal... but reality of it all!! The realization that this job was too big for me.

I looked at that tiny baby sleeping peacefully and started thinking about everything I could not protect him from.

Heartbreak. Bad decisions. Other people’s choices. His own choices. Pain. Loss. Disappointment. 

The world.

I could not possibly shield him from all of it. The thought overwhelmed me. 

So I fell down beside that rocker and cried. Really cried. Because I loved him so much, and suddenly I understood that loving him would never make me powerful enough to save him from everything. In that moment, I came to one conclusion that has carried me through motherhood ever since:

God can! 

John Grady had already been baptized as an infant, but that moment felt different.

It felt like Hannah. Hannah had prayed desperately for Samuel, and when God gave him to her, she gave him back.

“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord.”
— 1 Samuel 1:27–28

I did not leave my baby at the temple that day. I picked him back up when he woke up. I changed diapers. Packed snacks. Corrected behavior. Drove carpools. Prayed at bedsides. Fussed over homework. Eventually learned how to parent him as a teenager.

But something changed in me beside that rocker.

I stopped believing I was his ultimate protector. I remembered that I was just chosen to be his steward.

He belonged to God before he was entrusted to me and he still belonged to God. That surrender brought me peace. Not a life without parenting stress.

Definitely not that. 😂

Motherhood has still taken its toll. There have been hard seasons. Teenage antics. Arguments. Consequences. Moments when I have said things I wish I had not said. Moments when they have done things they wish I had not found out about. 

And after the weekend we just had with John Grady, let me assure you that the surrender beside the rocker did not magically make parenting teenagers easy. 🙄

But underneath the chaos, there is peace. Because I am not parenting alone.

And I do not just mean that I have Peter. I do, and I am incredibly grateful for him. A good father for my boys is a tremendous blessing. 

I do not just mean that I have family. I do, and we raise our kids together!

I do not just mean friends, pastors, teachers, other parents, mentors, or the village around us.

Those people matter.

A lot!

But there is another part of this that I think my children probably do not give enough credit to.

I am parenting with the Holy Spirit.

And without Him, there are things I would simply not know.

Sometimes the way parents find things out is obvious.

A phone search.

A friend who spills the beans.

A teacher who reaches out.

A badly timed conversation overheard in the next room.

Sometimes it is just pure happenstance.

You happen to walk in at the right moment.

You happen to ask the right question.

You happen to notice something that would normally slide right by.

And then sometimes?

There is no obvious explanation.

It is just a check. A nudge. A feeling that something is off. A thought that will not leave. A sudden sense that I need to ask one more question.

I want to be careful here. I do not believe every gut feeling is automatically the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes a gut feeling is anxiety. Sometimes it is experience. Sometimes it is pattern recognition. Sometimes it is fear. Sometimes it is just being a mom who has known her child long enough to notice one eyebrow moving differently than usual. 😂

But I have learned not to dismiss every nudge just because I cannot immediately explain it.

I pray. I wait. I ask for wisdom. I pay attention.

And more than once, God has brought something into the light that I needed to know in order to parent well. That is not about catching my children.

It is about loving them. There is a difference.

John 14 says:

“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”
— John 14:26

Teach. Remind. Guide.

That sounds a lot like what I need in parenting.

Because I do not need to know everything. I am okay with only the knowledge I have! More knowledge is not what will help me parent them... What I need is wisdom.

James says:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault…”
— James 1:5

If there were ever a verse written for parents of teenagers… That might be it. And believe me, my children know I am asking for wisdom and He is graciously delivering it! 

Because there are so many moments when I genuinely do not know what the right response is.

Do I confront this?

Do I wait?

Do I check?

Do I let the consequence teach?

Do I step in?

Do I give space?

Do I speak?

Do I stay quiet?

Do I believe the first explanation?

Do I ask one more question?

I need wisdom.

Not suspicion.

Not control.

Not fear.

Wisdom. 

And Philippians puts love and discernment together in such a beautiful way:

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best…”
— Philippians 1:9–10

That is what I want. This is what I pray for in motherhood. 

Love that grows in discernment.

Because sometimes love says yes.

Sometimes love says no.

Sometimes love waits.

Sometimes love gives another chance.

Sometimes love checks the phone.

Sometimes love asks the uncomfortable question.

Sometimes love recognizes that something is wrong before there is any visible evidence.

Sometimes love lets a child experience the natural consequence.

And sometimes love steps in before that consequence becomes something much harder.

Discernment is not the opposite of love.

Discernment is one of the ways love pays attention.

This is one of the ways God continues to remind me that my children are His.

He is not absent from their lives just because I cannot see every part of them anymore.

That becomes increasingly important as they grow.

When they were little, I knew almost everything.

I knew what they ate.

Where they were.

Who they played with.

What they watched.

What hurt.

What scared them.

What they needed.

Then they grow.

And slowly, there are pieces of their lives I am no longer standing right beside.

That is healthy. That is part of growing up.

But it also means I cannot parent by visibility alone.

I have to parent by trust.

Trust in the relationship we have built.

Trust in the truth we have taught.

Trust in the people God has placed around them.

Trust in the consequences that sometimes have to do their own teaching.

And most of all, trust in God.

The same God I surrendered that sleeping baby to years ago.

I remember thinking that day that I could not save him from the future.

And I was right. I cannot.

I cannot prevent every heartbreak.

I cannot stop every bad decision.

I cannot keep him from ever experiencing pain.

I cannot protect any of my children from every consequence of living in a broken world.

But I also do not have to know everything in order to parent them faithfully.

That may be the peace I did not understand all those years ago.

When I gave John Grady back to the Lord beside that rocker, I was admitting that I could not see his future. And God reminded me that my journey in parenting was not about my children. It was about me; God was asking me to walk with Him.

One season at a time.

One decision at a time.

One prayer at a time.

One nudge at a time.

I am not my children’s deliverer.

Jesus is.

I am not their Holy Spirit.

He is.

I am not the author of their story.

God is.

My job is to love them, lead them, discipline them, advocate for them, pray for them, and keep pointing them back to the One who ultimately holds them.

And that is why, even in the thick of parenting one child in every season of growing up, I can say this:

I have peace.

Not because everything is peaceful. Not because parenting teenagers is easy. Not because I always know what to do. But because I know Who ultimately holds them and I am not parenting alone.

Where in parenting, caregiving, or loving someone deeply do you need to remember that you were never meant to carry the whole responsibility by yourself?

Lord, thank You for loving our children more deeply than we ever could. Give us wisdom where we lack it, discernment when we do not know what to do, and peace when we cannot see what lies ahead. Help us parent with love instead of fear, with truth instead of control, and with dependence on Your Spirit instead of our own understanding. Remind us that the people we love ultimately belong to You, and teach us to trust You with what we cannot see. Amen.

Until next time, keep following the Plott, and I will be praying for us all. 💛