When I Am Afraid, I Will Trust

As a boy-mom, one of the things I appreciate about Boy Scouts is the way it slowly hands responsibility back to the boys.

There are adults nearby, of course. Responsible adults. Attentive adults. Adults who are absolutely paying attention. But they are not hovering over every decision.

The boys are learning to lead one another, manage themselves, make choices, and sometimes live with the consequences of those choices.

Which sounds wonderful in theory.

Until your child makes a choice you really wish he had made differently.
(Enter Wyatt into my story!)

This summer at camp, Wyatt had an opportunity to complete his swimming check.

Now, this is an annual requirement. Wyatt can swim.

That is not the issue. 

He has grown up around water. He swims in pools. He spends time in the ocean. He grew up on the Edisto River. He is comfortable enough in a kayak that I do not spend every second imagining disaster when he is on the water. 

But the swim test at camp was not in a nice, clear, chlorinated pool.

It was in an unfamiliar lake. Dark water. No visible bottom. 

And Wyatt does not like dark water. Not even a little bit.

So when the opportunity came to take the swim check, he chose not to do it.

I imagine there were several thoughts behind that decision. He probably figured he could just do it later. Maybe somewhere with a pool. Maybe somewhere he could see the bottom. Maybe he simply did not understand that this one decision would follow him into future Scout activities. But whatever the reasoning was, fear helped make the choice.

Fast forward to this weekend.

He is going on a kayaking trip with the Boy Scouts and because he did not complete the swimming check, he will not be kayaking independently.

He will be in a tandem kayak. With an adult.

As his mother? Honestly, I am not mad about that at all. 😂

But I am disappointed for him. Because I know he can do it. He knows he can do it. He has done it just about every weekend this summer, using our private access to the river and our own kayaks. I have pictures of him paddling through the black water of the Edisto River by himself. The water itself is not the problem. His ability is not the problem. 

The consequence is not because he was incapable. It is because, in one moment, he allowed fear to make the decision for him. And now he is frustrated. Not with the Scout leaders. or the adult who will be riding with him. Not with us, because he knows I would grant this permission. He is frustrated with himself. He knows he passed on something he was capable of doing but was simply afraid to do it under those conditions.

Fear has a way of making very convincing arguments.

What if you cannot see the bottom?

What if you do not know how this ends?

What if the next step feels unsafe?

What if you are wrong?

What if God is asking something that feels bigger than your ability?

What if you step out and there is nothing underneath you?

And sometimes we wait for fear to disappear before we can move.

But Scripture never really promises that faith means we will never feel afraid.

Psalm 56:3 says:

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”

It is very clear that fear is a WHEN, not IF, feeling. 

Those things are not mutually exclusive.

Trust and anxiety can exist in the same human heart. Hope and Impossible can exist in the same human condition, and faith and fear can show up at the same moment.

The question is which one we allow to lead. 

Abraham gives us such a powerful picture of this.

Romans says:

“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed…”
— Romans 4:18

Against all hope, he hoped. This is such a contradiction. 

That means the circumstances looked impossible. He was not pretending they looked good. He was not denying reality. He simply chose to believe that God was still faithful inside a situation that looked hopeless. There were moments (lots of them) when Abraham obeyed God in the flesh without knowing how the whole thing would end.

Hebrews 11:8 says:

“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.”

He did not have the whole story, just the next paragraph.

Sometimes I want God to show me the bottom before I get in the water.

I want to know the outcome. I want to know the plan. I want to know how the conversation will go. I want to know whether the risk will be worth it. I want to know that obedience will lead exactly where I hope it will. But that is not really faith.

Faith is trusting the One who knows the bottom when I cannot see it.

It is believing there is ground under the next step because God is the One who told me to take the step. It does not mean there will never be fear. It means fear does not get the final word. And if we continually let fear make our decisions, eventually fear starts shaping our outcomes.

We may still get to go on the trip. We may still have a good time. We may still be surrounded by wonderful people. But there may be places we cannot go independently because somewhere along the way, we let fear keep us from taking the step that prepared us for the opportunity God was bringing to our story. 

That is not condemnation or punishment. It is simply consequence. And sometimes consequence is a really good teacher.

I think that is where Wyatt is right now. He is still going on the trip and excited about his weekend. I know he is going to have a fantastic time. And the adults going with him are people I trust completely. But he also understands that this particular limitation did not happen to him. He chose something earlier that helped create it this moment and that is a valuable lesson.

Honestly, it is one I need too.

There are places in my own life where I know what I am capable of doing, but fear still whispers that maybe I should wait. Maybe later. Maybe when it looks safer. Maybe when I understand more. Maybe when I can see the bottom.

But God has never asked me to see the whole thing. He asks me to trust Him to take the next faithful step. To obey what I already know and to let faith lead even while fear is still talking.

Proverbs 3:5–6 says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Trust first, not understanding everything first.

That is hard. But maybe that is the whole point.

Faith would not really be faith if I already knew exactly how everything would turn out.

So this weekend, Wyatt will get in a tandem kayak. He will probably love his experience, but I suspect he will come home more determined than ever to get that swim check completed. And maybe the next time he stands at the edge of dark water, unable to see the bottom, he will remember this moment. Not to condemn him should he ever feel afraid but to remind him that fear does not have to make his choices for him.

I hope I remember it too. Because there will always be waters I cannot see through. There will always be steps where I do not know exactly what is underneath. There will always be places God leads me that require trust before understanding. And when I am afraid, I do not have to wait until fear disappears to make a decision. I can trust Him in that moment to be faithful to what I know  - He is trustworthy and true! 

Where has fear been making decisions for you that faith may be asking you to make differently?

Lord, thank You that You do not shame us for being afraid. Teach us to trust You in the places we cannot see clearly. Give us courage to take the next faithful step, even when we do not know exactly how the story ends. Help us recognize when fear is speaking, and let faith in Your character be louder. Amen.

Until next time, keep following the Plott, and I will be praying for us all. 💛