You Can’t Schedule Fatigue

I had fatigue scheduled for August.

That sounds reasonable, right? 😂

When I had Gamma Knife radiation a few weeks ago, they warned me that delayed fatigue was a common side effect. But they also said it might show up two to three months later.

So, naturally, in my mind I thought, Perfect. I’ll pencil that in for August.

Because May and June were already full.

Fifth grade graduation.

End-of-year celebrations.

Youth camp.

Wedding showers.

Photography jobs already on the calendar.

Family responsibilities.

Farm responsibilities.

All the things.

The surgery was the unplanned thing.

Everything else had already been scheduled before we knew “it’s time to do something” meant two weeks from now. And most of those things weren’t mine to cancel or reschedule.

So when I felt “well enough,” I did what I usually do.

I kept going.

Honestly, the procedure went so much better than expected. I am deeply grateful. I am doing well. God has been faithful. My recovery has been smoother than I could have hoped.

But this strange thing started happening.

I would be driving and miss the turn to my own driveway.

I would try to answer a question and the words wouldn’t come quickly.

I would be in the middle of a parking lot and have the most ridiculous intrusive thought like, I should just lie down right here and take a nap.

Which is not a normal parking lot decision.

But the weirdest part was that I didn’t feel sleepy.

At least not in a way I recognized.

It wasn’t the kind of tired I know from staying up too late, or pushing too hard, or being a night owl who makes questionable bedtime choices. I am very familiar with all-nighter insomnia, procrastinator late nights, and thinking I can do one more thing at 11:47 p.m. 

That kind of tired I understand.

This was different.

It was slower. Heavier. Harder to name.

I didn’t recognize it as fatigue because it didn’t ask my permission to be in this season. It didn’t politely show up in the time slot I had mentally assigned it.

It just came. 

.....

You can schedule the event.

You can schedule the appointment.

You can schedule the packing list, the drive time, the work, the responsibilities, and the recovery plan.

But you cannot schedule fatigue. Your body will eventually tell the truth. Sometimes your spirit will too.

The last few weeks, as I prepared for youth camp, our messages have been centered around the Good Shepherd. Wouldn’t you know, right in the middle of me trying to push through and keep all the plates spinning, I continued to be brought back to Psalm 23.

 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.”

— Psalm 23:1–3

That phrase has been on repeat in my mind!!

He makes me lie down. 

Not because He is harsh or punishing.

But because sheep don’t always know when to stop.

And apparently, neither do I.

The Shepherd knows what the sheep need before the sheep understand it. He knows when the pace is too much. He knows when the noise is too loud. He knows when restoration is not optional anymore. 

 “He restores my soul”... 

That sounds peaceful and lovely...  But I don’t always love the part where I have to admit I needed restoring. I like to think I can rest when it fits into the plan. In the morning, preferably. After the work is done. After the camp prep is complete. After the shoot is edited. After the house is picked up. After the animals are fed. After everyone else has what they need. But God’s rest does not always come after I finish everything else...

Sometimes it interrupts me before I take the break. 

I think maybe that’s merciful.

Jesus said,

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

— Matthew 11:28

He didn’t say, “Come to Me once your calendar clears.”

He didn’t say, “Come to Me after camp.”

He didn’t say, “Come to Me when you’ve finished proving you’re fine.”

He said, Come to Me.

Weary.

Burdened.

Mid-schedule.

Mid-parking lot.

Mid-sentence when the words won’t come fast enough.

Just come.... When I call you! 

So I’m trying to learn the lesson without needing it repeated too many times. Fatigue may not be on my schedule.

But rest is clearly on His. If the Good Shepherd is leading me beside still waters, I probably need to stop arguing about the itinerary and follow Him. 

Where have you been trying to push through something that God may be asking you to pause and surrender to Him?

Lord, thank You for being the Good Shepherd who knows what I need before I do. Help me recognize fatigue, not as failure, but as an invitation to be restored by You. Teach me to receive rest without guilt and to trust that Your pace is better than mine. Lead me beside still waters, restore my soul, and help me follow You even when You ask me to slow down. Amen.

Until next time, keep following the Plott, and I will be praying for us all. 💛